3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Ask A Man Out If You Want Commitment

Published: 17th November 2010
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Lorraine Jackson

There has been much debate on whether or not women should ask men out. While some of us contend that women should be able to operate the way men do when it comes to dating, other women feel that men should be the ones to take the initiative to ask the woman out. So what is the answer to this much debated question?

First, women need to understand that while the strategy of being assertive and aggressive may have served them well in achieving their career goals and other endeavors, applying this same approach to dating is typically not the most effective way to establish a respectful, mutually rewarding and committed relationship with a man. Why? Because when a woman pursues a man that she would like to have a committed relationship with, she places herself in a very disempowering position. This is because in the long run men generally tend to have less respect for women who are the aggressor.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that many women often don’t know a more effective way of attaining the type long term relationship they desire, many women attempt to apply the same strategy that was effective in pursuing their career goals to obtaining a committed relationship.

If your goal is to cultivate a relationship where you will be treated with respect and equality, then positioning yourself an in empowering way is essential to achieving this objective. How you subsequently position yourself for a potential relationship can have a significant impact on how the relationship develops down the road.

So the question you really need to ask yourself is, what is your ultimate objective when it comes to a cultivating a relationship with a man?

Now, if you are just looking for a hook up, then ask away. But for the following most common 3 reasons, if what you really want is a more meaningful and long-term commitment, then you definitely want to refrain from asking men out on a date:

Reason# 1 - Men typically believe that women who ask them out are desperate. Although some men proclaim to be flattered and often enjoy a boost to their ego when a woman pursues them, in the back of their mind, their thinking, if she is asking me out, there must be something wrong with her.

Even though men won’t always admit it, many men feel that women who ask men out also tend to have "issues" and would more than likely be problematic in a more committed relationship; which is why she has to resort to asking men out in the first place.

Reason #2 – You set yourself up to be used by men. Some men see women who ask them out as fair game and women who come across as desperate to have a committed relationship are especially prone to be exploited by men. So, if he wasn’t particularly interested in you to begin with, you may well be setting yourself up be taken advantage of. Some men simply will have no problem stringing you along, knowing they have no intention of having a really serious relationship with you.

Reason #3 –You take away the intrigue and challenge. When you ask a man out, you’re essentially making yourself an open book in his eyes. Why? Because if you were being pursued by other viable men, why would you need to ask him out? Remember, women who ask men out are typically seen as potentially having issues that may be problematic when it comes to establishing more committed relationship.

In essence, when a woman asks a man out, whether she realizes it or not; she’s essentially telling a man she’s lonely, desperate and has no real viable prospects not to mention other potential issues. Not much mystery there.

Also keep in mind, that the way it begins, is the way it ends. So if you are putting in most of the effort into pursuing a man for the purpose of obtaining a relationship during the beginning of the dating process, don’t be surprised when you’re still the one putting in most of the effort to sustain your involvement with him six months later.

If he didn’t have to make much of an effort to get you, why should he make much of an effort to keep the relationship going? If a man feels he doesn’t have to make much of an effort to sustain a relationship with you and doesn’t feel that there is much at stake to lose, he will ultimately become unenthusiastic and bored with the relationship.

Allowing men to pursue you when it comes to the dating process puts you in a more empowered place and is the crucial first step towards setting the stage for a rewarding and gratifying long term commitment.

Understand that a man who is genuinely interested in you, butterflies, sweaty palms and all, will work up the courage to ask you for a date. Not to mention that if he’s not man enough to ask you out, what type of a husband do you think he is going to make? If you really want to establish the equality and respect necessary to cultivate a mutually gratifying , committed relationship with a man, then let him be one by taking the initiative to ask you out on a date.

Lorraine Jackson is an attraction and dating coach and author of the up-coming brand new release, When Women Wake Up: "The Real Reason You’re Attracting The Wrong Men And How To Easily Attract The Right One Instead." Lorraine empowers women with the tools and knowledge necessary to easily attract their "Mr. Right" in a fun, positive, effective and healthy way. To discover your path to true love, visit: http://www.attracttherightguy.com

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